Keepin' it real.

Kate, your blog inspired me to post a chapter from the book I'm reading. I thought about posting it a few times because i LOOOOVED it, it is so accurate. So no more thinkin' about it, I'm doing it.



How do we use forces of a difficult time to help us grow? There are many ways, but the first way, the gateway, is to know that we are not alone in these endeavors. One of the greatest enigmas of human behavior is the way we isolate ourselves from each other. in our misguided perception of separation, we assume that others are not sharing a similar experience of life. {good experiences and bad} We imagine that we are unique in our eccentricities or failures ore longings. And so we try to appear as happy and consistent as we think we should be, as we think others are, and we feel shame when we stumble and fall. When difficulties come our way, we don't readily seek out help and compassion because we think others might not understand, or would judge us harshly or take advantage of our weakness. And so we hide out, and we miss out.



We read novels and go to movies and follow the lives of celebrities in order to imbibe a kind of full-out living we believe is out of our reach, or too risky, or just an illusion. We become voyeurs of the kinds of experiences that our own souls are longing to have. Here's the oddest thing about living life as a spectator sport: While the tales in books and movies and People Magazine may be created with smoke and mirrors, our own lives don't have to be. We have the real opportunity to live fully, with passion and meaning and profound satisfaction. {even with the shortcomings and trials.} Within us- burning brighter than any movie star- is our own star, our North Star- our SOUL. It is our birthright to uncover the soul, to remove the layers of fear or shame or apathy or cynicism that conceal it. A good place to start, and a place we come back to over and over again, is what Rumi calls the Open Secret.



Jelalluddin Rumi wrote poems so alive and clear that even today- eight centuries later- they shimmer with freshness.

Learn he alchemy true humans know.

The moment you accept what troubles you've been given,

the door will open. -

RUMI

In several of his poems and commentaries, Rumi speaks of he Open Secret. He says that each one of us is trying to hide a secret- not a big bad secret, but a more subtle and pervasive one. And it's the same kind of secret that you and I keep from each other every day. You meet an old acquaintance, and she asks, "How are you?" You say "Fine!" She asks, "How are the kids?" You say "Oh, they're great!" "The job?" "Just fine. I've been there five years now."

Then you ask that person, "How are you?" She says "Fine!" You ask "Your new house?" "I love it!" "The new town?" "We're all settling in."



It's a perfectly innocent exchange of ordinary banter; each one of us has a similar kind every day. But it is probably not an accurate representation of our actual lives. WE don't want to say that one of the kids is failing in school, or that our work often feels meaningless, or hat the move to the new town may have been a colossal mistake. It's almost as if we are embarrassed by our most human traits. WE tell ourselves that w don't have time to go into the gory details with everyone we meed; we don't know each other well enough; we don't want to appear sad, or confused, or weak, or self-absorbed. Better to keep under wraps our neurotic and nutty sides. (not to mention our darker urges and more shameful desires). Why wallow publicly in the underbelly of our day-to-day stuff? Why wave the dirty laundry about, when all she asked as "How are you?"



Rumi says that when we hide the secret underbelly from each other, hen both people go away wondering, How come she has it all together? How come her marriage/job/town/family work so well? What's wrong with me? We feel vaguely diminished form his ordinary interaction, and from hundreds of similar interactions we have from month to month, and year to year. When we don' share the secret ache in our hearts- the normal bewilderment of being human- i urns into something else. Our pain and fear and longing in the absence of company, becomes alienation and envy and competition.



The irony of hiding he dark side of our humanness is that our secret is not really a secret at all. How can it be when we are all safeguarding he very same story? That's why Rumi calls it the Open Secret. it's almost a joke- a laughable admission that each one of us has a shadow self, a bumbling, bad-tempered twin. Big surprise! Just like you, I can be a jerk sometimes. I do unkind, cowardly things, harbor unmerciful thoughts, and mope around when I should be doing something constructive. Just like you, I wonder if life has meaning. I worry and fret over things I can't control; and I often feel overcome with a longing for something that I cannot even name. For all of my strengths and gifts, I am also vulnerable and insecure person, in need of connection and reassurance. This is the secret I try to keep from you, and you form me, and in doing so we do each other a grave disservice.



...Without being dramatic, share the simple dignity of yourself in each moment- your triumphs and your failures, your satisfaction and your sorrow. Face your embarrassment at being human, and you'll uncover a deep well of passion and compassion. It's a great power, your Open Secret. When your heart is undefended, you can make it safe for whomever you meet to put down his burden of hiding, and then you can both walk through the open door.