I feel compelled to get something off my chest. I know, you're bracing yourself. But what I've noticed from my adventures with blogging, the posts I put the most feeling and thought into are the ones with the least response, unless it's controversial. And I just wouldn't be me if I wasn't controversial I guess ;)
There have been a lot of conversations lately in several different circle of friends about different parenting techniques. To 'Babywise' or to 'Attatchment Parenting' seems to be the two butting heads in the debates. And I want to throw my two cents out there for the ones who are at the extreme ends of the spectrums, unable to see the people they fling mud at from the other sides with their comments.
What I know about my friends who are mothers is this: If they care enough to read a book, learn from people who have applied years of wisdom of things they actually practice before they write about, then that right there makes them a better mother than the norm. Regardless of what book or technique they read. *Please think about that*. For a woman to not assume she knows everything, to care so much about doing right by her child to look to other tools to use, says a lot about her desire about doing the best that she can.
Here's what else I know about many of my different friends and family:
-A babywise practicing mother does not ignore the hungry cries, the sick cries, the needs of emotional comforting cries of her infant. She is very much in tune with her baby's needs and feelings, and has a very strong maternal bond with her child.
-An attatched parenting mother isn't depressed, emotionally unstable, or paranoid of other people's adequacies to care for her child because she keeps a closer almost constant physical connection to her infant both waking and sleeping.
-Quoting scripture to defend your own ideal only shows how little you understand about the thing that you critique. Because scriptures can be found, and personally interpretted to fit whatever ideal it is that you want them to fit, raising children is not doctrine specific, and scripture only asks that believers raise their children to come unto Christ, or unto God, does not spell out how.
But enough is enough! I have read and heard so much about these topics lately that really cause me concern over what is really important! And that's the children! I don't label myself as any parenting style, because I am MY CHILDREN'S MOTHER, and that is all I am striving to be. I have used tools from attatched parenting that work in some aspects of my life with one child, but have not been at all sucessful for another child. And some tools from babywise have helped keep structure for one child or another to feel assured and secure that they have ample confidence and communication and feel plenty of love instead of feeling isolated by one child receiving so much more attention than another.
But neither technique is a solid scientific absolute which will work for every family, every child, in any circumstance. If it were, I fully have faith that the scriptures would INDEED spell out how to raise a child step by step. Since it doesn't, get off your soap box. I am much more influenced to follow from friends that I admire by their example alone. It's the individuals who feel the need to discredit a different point of view that leave me doubting their wisdom in the first place.
Articles that say things like this one which isolates a biased point of view against spanking, can blindly lead people to something that might have good intentions, but come from an unfoundedly biased perspective. The part that unsettled me the most was this:
"The odd thing about this story is that both my sister and I remember the spanking, but neither of us can recall what the behavior was that caused it. We know that our father must have been trying to teach a lesson. The lesson, however has been lost. The memory of the spanking is all that remains."
I was spanked as a child too. I would dare say a good majority of my generation was likely spanked. I'm not saying it's right. I'm not saying it's wrong either. I don't remember why I got spanked all of those times either. BUT-- I also remember laying next to my mother in bed talking, snuggling, feeling loved and praised, but I don't remember the behavior that caused that consequence either. My point is, a comment like that article is neither constructive, nor logical. But purely biased and misleading.
To compare spanking a child in the same category as two adults hitting each other is absolute lunacy. Comparing a bar fight to a method of lesson teaching and consequences- however strongly you disagree about spanking, does not make you look very educated. It actually has the opposite affect. If you want to compare child abuse, to two adults hitting, then we have a valid conversation. But there are many, including experts and child psychologists that can be quoted and found to support even spanking in moderation.
And to those who might look at a mother and say
"Her children are behaving that way because she spanks them, she has damaged communication" I want to say, be careful! Someone is probably watching your child saying
"That child needs a good spanking, because they are horrid and rotten, and don't know how to behave socially among other children." I've seen plenty of non spanked children hit another child to disprove the comments about "spanking teaches kids to hit." And I've seen plenty of spanked children have remarkable relationships with their parents to disprove "communication comes only from gentle discipline."
Why do women do that? Why do we feel the need to pit ourselves against each other? Motherhood, when done right, is the hardest job on earth. And any woman who is actively pursing that task with all her might with every prayer that she does what is best for her child should be supported, and not criticized! And those that I've seen openly attempt to create superiority of one method, usually hasn't read anything legit to understand the other methods.
And of course, a big brother can be the source of a humiliator. Kellan thinks this is hilarious to do to Max, which of course he doesn't mind. And Kellan knows it's going to get a reaction out of Mom and Dad. Stinkers. 
