When I grow up

James and I celebrated our 9 year anniversary earlier this year, and I had thought about when we were dating, at that phase in our life where we couldn't wait to get married. Then it was couldn't wait to have a baby. Then buy a house. You know the pattern. But back to dating, not once did I look at that man and think "I can't wait to wake up at 3 AM and have to change sheets off of our bed because it was barfed on by a little person." No one thinks about those kind of details as they fantasize.

Speaking of fantasizing, when I was a little girl, I never said "I want to be exhausted beyond comprehension." I just wanted to be a mommy. And of all of the professions that I listed off, I never EVER said I wanted to be a teacher.

The kids have been watching "The Princess and the Frog" by Disney (super cute and great soundtrack!) and Mama Odie of the bayou swamp says to the two frogs that you've got to figure out what you need, then you'll get what you want.

I've been trying to apply that a lot these days. Yes I take my advice from Disney, ya take whatcha get. But seriously. Whenever I find myself struggling and stressing to grasp or achieve something that desperately "I want" I try to take a step back and assess. Usually the intense stress and anxiety I have when I'm saying "I want" something to be a certain way, or happen in a specified time, is usually non essential a week from that time. Sometimes even the next day.

I've come to realize, it's those stressful and fearful moments full of saying "I want" are the moments that I'm supposed to bend with instead of needing to be broken. When I do finally bend, I find myself on a path doing something I actually need, which feeds my soul and inspires my potential on this earth. So I never dreamed of wanting to be a teacher, but here I am, preparing and gearing up for school to start in 20 days. And I'm geeking out about how excited and prepared I am for this. I started this journey for what my kids needed, and it's showing me how much God has in store for me to learn what I need, too. I am thankful for a God who is not witholding, and gives to me liberally when I just ask. And bend.