I've realized something

Max has really given me great reminders to enjoy my children more than I take the time to. I thought once a few weeks ago about people my children love seeing, and I felt bad about msyelf, like they didn't feel enough affection from me. But when I actually watched some of these people care for my children after the new baby was born, I realized that I am much more affectionate with them and that I do enjoy my children more than I realized.

With the first baby, we were so excited and consumed with all the milestones, that it really did make it feel like she grew up too fast. Because we looked forward, instead of present, to all the moments with her.

With my second, I was literally just trying to survive. Maren was 15 months old when Kellan was born. And she dispised him. James starting his therapy practice in our home, so I had to keep a pristinely clean home, AND take the babies away every day for several hours while he had his clients visiting. It was a headache. And then speaking of nerve pain, I had a stroke-like shutdown of my nervous system because my brainstem was impinged when Kellan was only a year old. It was a rough time in our life.

But Max has given me great contrast to remind me how fleeting moments are with each child. I have quiet moments to enjoy the new things Max is doing. So I'm not rushing him, and I'm not too busy to notice these things either like with the first two. And it has helped me be aware of each phase and ability they all are at in their lives.

Maren isn't going to be a toddler much longer. In two months she'll be 5. That's a young girl! It's surreal to me. She's an old soul in a little body, I like to say. She is sensetive, loving, artistic, expressive, and spiritual.

Kellan's voice seems so tiny lately. He's 3 1/2, and I realize better that he isn't capable enough of understanding things I have expected him to because he still is very young. I have tried to be more nurturing to him during different moments. He is strong, and defensive, and compassionate, and observant, and confident. He's the perfect recipe for a great big brother.

Even though I say how naughty my kids are, I realize how normal they are considering all the transitions they are going through with a new sibling, new school, and an extended vacation away from their home and friends. I just need to be more patient with them.

I realize now why Heavenly Father gives us opportunity to nurture his precious spirits. He doesn't send us children because they need someone to care for them. He sends us children because we need to learn things about ourselves to help us along in our progression in this mortal probation.

In my life, I have prayed for a softer heart, for patience, to be an example, to be a missionary of his gospel, for understanding of his mysteries, for a testimony of his love for me. I have prayed for wisdom, for courage, for direction, peace in my heart, and purpose with my abilities.

It was said once that God doesn't answer prayers, he sends people in our lives to answer them. He sent me Maren, Kellan, and Max. And through them, all the things I have prayed for in my life are being taught to me and manifesting in my character.

I am truly greatful.