Fresh Feelings

::breath::
That's the thing I love doing in the morning, when I'm outside tending to the dog or the chickens, I love the beginning of fall. Goodbye Indian summer.

With the heat of the summer, and all of the hard things we were going through all at one time, just like the crushing heat- it all seems to be easing up. Life is feeling good again. It always has been, just hard to feel.

I never thought I would have so many thank you letters to write, I have been showered with so much support. So many friends have said "I don't know how you're handling all of this." Well, without all of the kindness shown to us, I don't think we could have. We had many angels administering to us.

I know a lot of people who usually don't read my blog have begun to read it, to see how we are, to find out the latest of the situation with the children. Why have I been so open about it? Well... it was a weird situation, for us in the neighborhood. Things changed here at the beginning of the summer with a big effort to get the neighborhood connected. When I started coordinating a block party, I became the most familiar face in the neighborhood I suppose. So when other neighbors heard about the news, not knowing it involved my children, they would call or email or come by my house with something like "Have you heard about what has been happening to 'neighbor boy'? It's so shocking, it's so sad."

So this is why I've been so open about it: If it were me, approaching another neighbor to discuss the shock that has rocked us all, and I had *no clue* it was that person's child affected by it, I would feel SO AWFUL to learn about it later on, I would feel insensitive to have not known and then brought it up with that person. I would never want someone to feel uncomfortable after, when they would have no way of knowing something like that, so it's always best to be open. I don't mind it. But it is sort of a double edge sword, because every time, every conversation seeing that realization with the person I'm talking with, is reliving that day of realization for us.

I can't wait until the dust settles, until we all can move forward and keep the feeling of a friendly neighborhood that we worked hard to foster.

One neighbor said to me today, during such a realizing conversation, "It's just such crushing information to find out. Our neighborhood is going to hell."

No, it isn't. To me, Hell is a place absent of the presence of God. For me, in this neighborhood, and many friends not in this neighborhood, I have seen the grace of God and the good he can do with our life even through all of that sin. Opposits can't exist on the same plane going in the same direction. If their paths become perpendicular for a time, it always breaks apart eventually- righteousness and wickedness cannot abide together. Opposites. So through all of this, we have felt the exposure, and it opens our eyes more to see the differences. No one else saw the difference before, even us. And now, I see kindness, love, sad hearts, people being the tools for God's hands.

And little by little as our abilities become back to normal, we have a lot of work to do as a tool to keep showing that goodness of God in our lives. We have so much service to give back that has been given to us. And I'm really looking forward to giving it.