Just a few thoughts...

Hearing from other people "This happened to me too" doesn't help so much. A lot of the experiences that my daughter explained to us were similar to things that happened to me too. It doesn't matter. I appreciate the empathy and support, but it leaves me at a loss as to what to say to those people other than "I'm so sorry for you." What an ugly thing to do to a child.

Trying to think about things like at least at the end of the day we still have our children to hold, helps. Some. Bad things happen to all kinds of family, and when things are all said and done, some of them don't get to hold their children after it all. We still do, and believe me we feel incredibly blessed to be their parents. But it's one of those things that are easier said than done.


Knowing that statistically most kids don't tell their parents on their own about something inappropriate happening to them, doesn't make the parents feel any better. Of course we beat ourselves up with guilt. We thought we took every precaution that we could even have done, shy of locking them in a bubble. And we tried to empower them with vocabulary to be able to tell us if anything ever did. But they didn't tell us on their own. Maybe all of those things were seeds that helped them be able to communicate with us as well as they have, who knows. But when we get after the kids for not picking up their shoes after we asked them 5 times, of course they're going to be scared to tell us about something like this! It's hard to not feel like we had some kind of accountability, even if it's that we're too hard on them. Or that we should have locked them in a bubble.


Worrying about what other people might think because I posted this on my blog, well... pooey. I don't really care. It's my blog. This is my family.

I thought that we were through the rough part, the kids seemed relieved to know that they could talk to us, and that we believed them. And we knew they would get the counseling to learn the tools that they'll need as they navigate through this over and over in their lives. But that wasn't the hard part. The after math, their post traumatic stress and anxiety has come NOW after they know it's open. Because before, things didn't change in their lives. And things have changed now, they know it. Their time with their friend is strained, their encounters seeing this person outside is confusing as to "now what will happen" and it all shows in their moods and behaviors. That is what we are having a rough time around this house with.

And definitely, don't tell me that I should forgive. I know what Christ did. I know his sacrifice was for every sinner. I'm one of them every day. But first, Christ suffered and atoned for the sins, before he sacrificed himself. And I would expect the same from someone truly trying to be repentant, but that's not dependent upon my requirement to forgive. The blessing of forgiveness is mine, not the offenders, they can figure out a way to go on in their lives without it- so we'll get to a point some day where it doesn't affect our lives any more and there will be peace in our hearts- that is forgiveness. But we don't have to offer exemption from experiencing a consequence from the actions they did. Don't tell me that's what Christ would do, because it isn't. And God does not tolerate those who love and make a lie, or harm little children, I feel pretty ok about my intolerance right now too.

I wish it wasn't beautiful weather outside, it would make it easier for this mama bear to just pull her cubs close to her, and shut her eyes to hibernate for a few months until the dust settles.