Maxwell's birth story- revised

I've written the story of my homebirth with Max, but it just didn't seem like enough. There were so many empowering moments that I'm very proud of, and while I can still remember the details of it, I wanted to write it again. I had an appointment with my midwife friday afternoon, where there was no changes or softening of the cervix to indicate that my body was preparing in advance for labor. Though I knew that it didn't mean anything about the timeline, I still felt so disappointed. I was hoping to experience labor sooner than later, but I always fully accepting that the baby would come in his own time as they always do, no one stays pregnant forever after all! I was already measuring bigger at 39 weeks with this pregnancy than I had at 41 weeks 4 days in my previous pregnancy. I was thinking what another possible 2 weeks would be like, unable to walk for the most part, and I had a moment of release where I just sat and cried. I had been in so much pain with my fibromyalgia, my sister stayed with me for several weeks to help take care of the other two children and get my home ready for the baby's arrival. I could not have taken care of anything without her. Then I pulled myself together, and in my heart I knew what I had to do. We were connected, me and this baby, and I knew we needed to just have a talk. There was a hightened awareness that entire week of every movement, every emotion that I was feeling, and quite possibly the baby's emotions too. He heard my voice all day long, but when I talked very heartfelt specifically to him, he reacted very differently. So I poured out all of my feelings, I told him that I was ready when he was. I told him about his brother and sister anxiously waiting to meet him. I promised him protection, hands and arms and lips waiting to touch and know him. And I assured him that there wasn't anything to be scared about. After about an hour of meditation on the outcome of the birth I wanted to have, I started having different contractions than the braxton hicks I had throughout my entire pregnancy. (Really. Every 7-10 minutes. For 33 weeks. Exhausting!) The contractions stayed 7-10 minutes as I was used to, but they made me pay more attention. Sharper, deeper, and I had to close my eyes to release myself to them and get out of the way. I knew it was labor. It was about 10 p.m that friday night after my midwife's appointment. I was able to sleep most of the night, but I was anxious and wondering how it would go. It could be days or hours, there weren't any strong signs yet besides that change. I had plans to take the kids to a petting zoo to walk around, and I asked James to go with them instead, but he was insistant that walking around would be great and might speed things along. I agreed that it might help, however it actually stalled my labor! I had a few large contractions that I had to stop and brace myself against something, maybe 3-4 an hour. I also started to have bloody show in the cervical mucus so I knew my cervix was changing with the contractions. Definitely labor. I took the kids home and my sister got them set up for lunch so that I could go rest on my bed for a while, I was exhausted and I knew I had a long road ahead, I needed as much rest as I could. I called my midwife and explained to her the changes, she was surprised. She said "I just saw you yesterday, there was no cervical change! Are you sure?" YES, I knew. I felt the intuition that you can't describe unless you've felt it. She had a bible study that evening and wanted me to call her by 6 to let her know if she should go to it, or come to my place. So in the mean time, I got in the bath, turned on my relaxation hypnobirthing tapes, and began to melt into some rest and focus. The contractions began again to be 7-10 minutes apart as they had been the entire night before. The intensity hadn't changed at all, but the tightness began to encompass more of my massive belly and my low back was uncomfortable no matter how I stood/layed/knelt during each one. I called my midwife at 6 to let her know, and she said she would call her assistants, get her supplies, and start heading to my house which was about an hour from her. She actually didn't get to my house until about 9. The kids had gone to bed around 8, and in that hour I felt like I could focus more on the labor without hearing their voices, even if someone else was taking care of them. It's amazing how a mother's mind knows when she has other children to take care of, and when it's now time to give all of the energy and focus to birthing another one. So in that hour between the kids going to sleep, and the midwife arriving, they had increased in intensity. I told the midwife that she better lie to me and tell me that I'm dialated to a 7 after all of the work that I felt like I was doing, I didn't think I could bare to hear I was only dialated to a 2! Thankfully I was actually dialated to a 6 cm, and the midwife was still disbelieving it was happening already. She listened to the baby's heart rate, monitored my blood pressure for a few minutes, and asked me some questions about my meals and fluids during the day to know what to expect. Then she made sure I was comfortable in how I was choosing to labor. She didn't tell me how I should labor. She didn't instruct me on how to breath. She just kept a calm tone, a quiet relaxing voice, and each time a contraction came on, she prayed silently and was there giving so much love, then would wait for my cue to continue the discussions. And then she left James and me to walk, sit, massage, talk, pray, and connect with this baby during the process. She was in the living room with her assistants. She came in about every 30 minutes to check the baby's heart rate again, check my blood pressure, observe a contraction, see how things were going. About 11:30 I started to get exhausted, and each contraction became more of a challenge. But I told myself with each one that it would be over with after a minute, I focused on keeping my hands relaxed and my shoulders down. Through many of the contractions, I literally was being held up on my feet by James as I often let my legs and pelvis muscles go as well, and sort of 'swayed' my hips back and forth rocking through the pain. My water never broke, and each contraction brought a massive amount of pressure to the perenium muscle and rectum, I begged for the release of a burst of water with each one, it was quite uncomfortable. The midwife didn't want to break the water because it would increase the pain in the uterus during the contractions instead. I tried sitting over the toilet for the psychological connection that our mind has to release the pelvis and all of the muscles, but the pressure was too intense in that position, I only did that for one contraction. I then decided to try a hot shower with the massage on my back and belly. Instictively I dropped to my knees in the shower during the contraction, and I knew that was a sign of being in transition. The next two contractions made me lose my mind, and I just couldn't get my focus back with the distraction of the water and the massage, I said a few explicits and begged to be laying down in my bed. The midwife's assistant told me at that point that if I layed down in the bed, my labor would keep going on as long as I decided to lay down. She said "that's fine if that's what you want to do, but if you want this baby to come sooner, then don't lay down." I was NOT nice in the things that I said to her (I feel sort of bad now) but I knew my body. And I knew the labor went better for me when my mind got out of the way and meditated calmly, which I could only do if I layed down. So they all helped me get into the bed again, James, the midwife, her assistants. I was naked from being in the shower, but I begged to just lay down. Then they left back to the living room and told James to let them know when I was ready to "get back to it." After 2 more contractions laying in the bed, I felt the intense and instinctive urge to push, so I did, without even thinking or doing anything really, my body just did it. James went to get the midwives, I was checked, and the baby's head was crowning. At that point after another contraction, the midwife broke the waters, releasing the intense pressure, and the strength of my body bearing down and pushing without my 'trying' was amazing. I had never felt that in my other deliveries, everything was always managed more and I was told and directed what to do, when to do, how to do. My body knew how to do it, and these ladies were staying out of the way so that it could. As the head started to present further, what is known as the 'ring of fire' was actually a hurt-so-good kind of feeling, which created a massive amount of oxytocin and encouraged my body to push harder. The contractions weren't painful anymore when I pushed with them, they were strong, like a good work at the gym out with a set of weights and a massive amount of adrenaline. You don't beg for drugs with that intense workout of your muscles, you get your gusto and you PUSH harder! The midwife supported the perineum around the baby's head, and massaged olive oil around, then also applied hot wash clothes that they had prepared in a crock pot in my master bathroom for this moment. That felt AMAZING. Again, an electric shock of oxytocin ran through my body, there was no pain. Women tend to fear the contractions, because ultimately they fear the part of pushing a baby through a seemingly small portal of their body. It seems scary. But with applications and support like this, it's actually the best part of labor. His face presented anterior, and since I was laying down in a traditonal western birthing position, the midwife asked if James could get behind me, and help me to sit up. They helped me to bend my knees, and I was squating now instead, with James behind me, with his arms under my armpits to hold me up and sort of tilted to the left. I moved to bend my left knee so that I was sitting on my foot, and my right leg was bent allowing me to hold and pull my knee as I pushed, and allowed the midwife to observe the baby as he came out. After she helped his shoulders deliver, she encouraged James to pull the baby out the rest of the way. He leaned over from behind me, sort of over the side of me, and pulled the baby out laying him on my chest. It was like a shock of electricity had gone through me when I connected to that baby skin to skin. The midwives didn't take him off of me. Instead, they covered him and me with a towel, they wiped his face, suctioned his nose and mouth, and encouraged him to join us by rubbing his back gently. His eyes were open and alert, his mouth was in an "O" shape, and he just looked around. After a good minute or two, he sneezed out some fluid, and took his first breath. His face scrunched a little as if he were about to cry, but he never did. He was unbelieveably calm. They checked his heart rate, they checked mine, and they watched for his skin to pinken and react with the oxygen that he was now taking in on his own. And I just sat there in complete awe. I had never experienced that maternal connection with my other two births, the difference without the chemicals overriding the natural process was amazing, and I couldn't believe that it's done any other way, it seemed so wrong to have so much perfection at that moment. I have never felt closer to God, in creating and respecting and participating in human life as I did in that moment. And I started to cry, not because of hormones or even because of joy, but because of releasing that feeling of void that I had felt the other two deliveries, to have this experience of how it always was intended to be. After a few minutes, I'm not really sure how long with my euphoria of this moment, I began to feel slight cramping, the midwife gently checked to see if the placenta was loose, and it slid out with a gentle tug. We watched and waited for the cord to stop pulsing to know that all of the blood and life cells intended for him were transferred from that life giving organ to now his fresh breathing existance. The cord went from a thick pulsing tube, to a flat shrunken tight tube, and we then clamped both ends and James did the ritual of cutting it. All the while Maxwell was still laying on my chest, skin to skin. He started to root, and nuzzle his nose against my skin, and I knew he was ready and needing to begin that instinct to nurse. He was very aggressive with his rooting, and with a little help of James supporting him so that I could maneuver my breast, he latched on and suckled like he had been doing it for weeks. I had never seen my other two babies instinctively root and search for the breast like that against my skin- they were taken away to be measured before I was given the time to try nursing, it was usually an hour after the delivery in a hospital. The difference in nature vs. procedures was night and day. Again, I couldn't believe people would make things be any other way than that natural progression of it all. After I felt ready to allow him to be further examined, the assistants measured and scored him according to the APGAR ratings. In a hospital, he would have been rated low on alertness because he didn't cry. But the midwives took time, and patience, and watched his consciousness change, watched his connection to this life begin, and knew he was very much alert, just calm and peaceful. Shouldn't all babies be given that time and attention? He was perfect. Everything was perfect. They let James dress him, bundle him, however he wanted the baby to be, and they took the supplies and bed dressings that were used and soiled out to our garbage can. Then they cleaned up all of the supplies around the room, while another one of them made me a turkey sandwich. I will always remember how much love they put into every act that they did, slicing a fresh tomato, adding lettuce and mayo. Bringing me a peeled banana, and some yogurt, and then feeding it TO me while I nursed my baby in my arms again, relaxing in my own bed, next to my husband. My strength through all of it. I draw my confidence and sense of security from him, which allows me to listen more to my instincts because I know I'm listened to and provided a safe environment to take the lead. That is how a birth always should be like. No matter where it occurs. My midwife helped me into the shower to get cleaned up, made sure that I had normal amount of bleeding and clotting, also made sure I could urinate, and then they helped me get dressed and back into my bed. They felt my uterus to make sure there were no signs of unusual after labor complications, and they gave me instruction on how to check as well. And then they left me and my husband with our new baby. He was born at 1:29 A.M. on Sunday October 5th, 2008. They left around 3 A.M. And James then went in to wake up our other children so they could come and meet their new brother. They had slept through the entire thing, and they were so amazed and excited to see him. Their faces being woken up to meet him when just hours before he was still in my womb was the best part of all of it. Just pure innocent love and wonder. And after they went back to bed, and the house was quiet, I layed there the entire rest of the dark early morning, with this new baby, getting him all to myself. I thanked him for his courage, I thanked my Heavenly Father for my strength, and for the amazing ability that he gave women. It isn't a curse upon women for the pains of childbirth, it's amazing, and fantastic, and I was so humble to have been able to experience it in all of his glory for it.